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Anxious Introspection

So far, the person has been fighting the cycle with fear, now he really loads it on.  He can see no way out of his difficulties.  Can reach no understanding.  No conclusion.  No peace of mind.  No respite.  No adequate assistance, so that he must fall back on the one person he thought he could rely upon… himself.

The person then introverts constantly.  Out comes the road map of Beirut again.  There is nothing else, remember, but this map.

There are different languages, but still it is that map, that tried and well worn, gloomy, bewildering path again.  But this time the pressure is greater, because, he hasn’t made sense of it, so far.  The demands to “shake yourself out of it”, “pull yourself together” or “fight it” assume even greater and greater, frightening proportions.  The restless, repetitive maudlin hours at night in bed come to haunt, the rehashing of those old frightening thoughts, the same body reacting in that debilitating, death like way.  The same endless hours of inadvertent negative self-hypnosis kick in and prolong the cycle, and the failure to see the light at the end of the tunnel is tortuous.

The mind is caught up in a cycle all right; the body is caught up with this too.  The prayers to god, the fearful childlike thinking.  The grotesque and suicidal thoughts all impact like a shadow of darkness covering a twisted nest of vicious vipers, ready to bite, entangle and suffocate.  This a few months ago, was a normal person, what a state he is now in.  Different from the rest of the world that he was once an active part of.  How he wishes he could turn back the clock.  He would do anything.  He might even consider, hypnosis, incarceration.  ANYTHING just to turn back those unintelligible pages of time.

This person is normal and can recover.


From my book Breaking The Vicious Circle of psychological Misery