Intense, uncomfortable, but natural pattern.
Professor Aaron Beck, researcher in cognitive therapy, describes depression as a cognitive triad. No hope for self, the world or the future. In my view, more tainted thinking from the foregoing cycle. Albert Ellis, remember, describes it as “demanding you get what you want and becoming depressed when you don’t get it”. Who wouldn’t be depressed? All the person wants at this stage is normality.
But in reality, that is still a far off, distant dream. The cycle still has more -yes more- to torture the sufferer with, and this, in the back of his mind, he knows.
Every night before he tries to sleep, he hopes and prays for a full recovery but by the morning it never comes. In fact he is even more depressed, given his inability to sleep. He lays awake like a victim, waiting for that awful moment that surely must come.
In the morning, everything is still as it was. In fact, he wakes with a start and is propelled into anxious introspection even before properly awake. Projection into the same weary, tiring, predictable day ahead starts. Before long the thought arrives, “what is the point of getting up?” Muzzy head, aching limbs, vibrating body, all are stark reminders of the futility and fear that is by now very real. Having been signed off by his General Practitioner, the empty day beckons like a black nothingness, the frustration of once again being held at gunpoint by a sneering hijacker.
Eventually, sufficient energy is aroused for the Herculean effort of movement towards the kidnapped day. A prisoner within his own body, a prisoner to a world turned upside down like a flip of a coin. He is wrestling with his demons all right. He is looking over the abyss and grimacing. A cauldron of slow, swirling blackness where the only pay off is death.
As the day progresses, once regimented personal hygiene falls by the wayside. Food is balked at and the possibility of a loved one timidly asking for a progress report is felt with trepidation. The thought that it would be easier to go back to bed strikes like a baseball bat. The sufferer having just got up out of bed becomes even more confused. Sitting down trying to watch television with the body vibrating adds to the desperate need to do something. Anything. He contemplates going out for a walk but after a burst of excitement to get ready, he arrives at the front and sees the world as daunting, scary and bizarre.
Back to bed for more anxious introspection.