Solving Social Phobia!
By Robin W. Thorburn: The Longest Established Hypno-Psychotherapist in Edinburgh exclusivehypnotherapy.co.uk
Hypnotherapy Edinburgh
A phobia is defined as an irrational fear of an object or an aversion to something.
In my opinion it is not so much a fear of the external object but more of the feeling that arises within the persons nervous system which has been created by an irrational belief in the thought processing.
i.e., if we take the emotion out of the thought or the object all we are then left with is a thought or an object. Who then need be bluffed by a thought!
I think it relevant to define the word rational, which in Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy means self-helping. It follows that irrational can be classified as non-self-helping.
Much needless time can be wasted in the therapeutic session of finding the “root cause” of the problem in the hope that insight will resolve the phobia. Rarely does this happen as the person has by now built-up sufficient memory and dislike of the object and the feeling associated with it. The memory which seems to come unbidden and out of the blue is brought back through our senses: sight sound, taste, smell and feeling. The feeling is the prime mover in the persons discomfort, this anxiety has been created by the original non-self-helping (irrational belief. The sufferer then usually produces another irrational belief such as I should not have this feeling! Thereby consolidating the memory and original belief.
Ironically the memory when it arises is most vulnerable to change at the very time that we dislike, so by fighting or demanding the memory/feeling should not, must not be there reinforces it. In short, every time the doorbell rings the dog barks, I shout at the dog, and he barks louder the next time the doorbell rings!
The original irrational belief will probably be along the lines of I must control this thing that gave me a fright and if not, it is awful! Trying too hard to control the uncontrollable!
With social settings the stakes are exceptionally high as the person does not want to look foolish in front of others. We as humans are essentially prey animals so we avoid or fight things we dislike and become fearful of looking foolish. Self-esteem contaminating self-worth. Our human entity is now being defined by what others think.
A cognitive disputing technique is to ask that if it is really important what others think, then if I think you are a crocodile does that make you one?!
The way forward for solving this nasty vicious cycle is knowledge and understanding of this, then followed up with a program of action.
I encourage my clients to see themselves as a scientist and that the world is their laboratory and go into situations to practice flexing the rational self-helping muscle. Not testing as that is pass or fail and that is conditional.
Moving demands that I must not look foolish, I must keep the conversation going, I must not have a confrontation etc and reduce this “PhD” of self-criticism into a “diploma” or preference and if not “too bad” attitude.
I encourage the person in to using the same amount of energy into bigging themselves up as they are to putting themselves down.
I ask clients that if there was a plank of wood a foot wide lying on the floor, and I offered you a £1000 to walk across it without losing your balance what would you say? No problem is the reply. “What if” there was a pit of snakes under the plank I ask? That’s different is the reply. All that has really changed is that you have moved your attention from the plank of wood to the pit of snakes, that proves nothing except you can move your attention!
When you enter a social setting, tell yourself that it is a splendid opportunity to focus on the plank of wood and not the pit of snakes and to express yourself with good body language, good voice tonality, good eye contact and your memory easily recalls what it is you wish to say.
As Oscar Wilde said:
Enjoy being you as because everyone else is taken!
Robin W. Thorburn ADHP (NC) MNRHP FNSHP UKCP (H)