Albert Ellis: originator of Cognitive Therapy
“Self-esteem is the greatest psychological sickness known to mankind, because it is conditional. It is dependent on what we should do, should say, should wear, should come across, therefore Shouldhood equals shithood!”
Dr Albert Ellis (originator of Cognitive Therapy)
My dictionary classification of self-esteem is positive regard. It would follow that if a person does not get approval from others they will invite in negative regard! You will let the situation define you. Let the tail wag the dog.
This way of thinking, which is endemic and encouraged by the media, schools and some therapies in our society will invite in the destructive emotions of anxiety, anger and depression.
Let me clarify: concern, annoyance and sadness are normal liveable overcome able human emotions. If you were wishing, desiring to have £10 in your pocket and you only had £9 you would probably be concerned. However, if you were demanding that you should, ought, must have £10 in your pocket and you only had £9 you would probably be anxious. The irony is that you would worry so much that you would lose the £9 and end up with nothing, rather than being concerned about only having £9, then go onto make £20!
Fifty per cent of something is better than one hundred per cent of nothing.
We are and probably always will be fallible, mistake making as human beings but in order to ignore that fact we create fiction, myths, heroes and heroines. Then when we inevitable fail at accepting reality we become anxious, angry and depressed. Akin to commanding the waves go back and then getting depressed when they don’t.
Many problems escalate when the person then feels the debilitating emotion; because when they feel bad they then think even worse then convince themselves of a lot of inaccuracies. And create even more disturbing feeling. (In cognitive therapy we call these secondary disturbances).
Memory then brings back this feeling the next time they are in a similar difficult situation. They are one-nil down before they even start, usually with the dreaded “what if”.
Every time the door bell rings, the dog barks, I shout at the dog so that the next time the door bell rings the dog barks louder!